The Sandwich Generation
There comes a time in life when you get sandwiched between dependents. On one side of the sandwich, you’ve got your children / nephews / nieces. On the other, your parents / grandparents / in-laws. This is the point at which our responsibilities extend beyond us to not only the younger generation but the ageing older generation too.
School runs, doctor appointments, looking for schools, researching care homes, feeding, watering, educating, prescribing, bathing, dressing, caring - the workload is hefty. My own parents have sadly both died so I just have the kids to look after but many of my friends are torn between various dependents and worn thin by making sure that everyone, young and old, is ok.
In the years BC (Before Covid), this was hard enough. But now, with the threat of the virus, it is even harder. Grandparents are vulnerable and feeling isolated. Guilt abounds. The weight of responsibility is debilitating. We have to make decisions that could be life threatening. In amongst all of this, we still have to find the time to work, do the washing, have a Nigella style dinner on the table (if we managed to get a shopping delivery time slot) and have an Instagram worthy home complete with Hygge, Minimalism or whatever else is on trend. All the while looking glam and of course being thin (which is fine as we didn’t have time for lunch anyway).
In Denmark, if your parents are in a care home, the times that you visit are classed as work hours because parents are a recognised responsibility. The Government acknowledges this and is supportive. Over the last 6 months parents have had to work from home whilst homeschooling their children. It is assumed that everyone has the resources to do this: multiple computers, enough internet bandwidth, enough mental bandwidth and the education to be able to understand your child’s level of teaching. It is assumed that this is is workable. But we’re not just educating the kids, we are having to teach the older generation too - how to use Zoom, Skype, WhatsApp and email to stay in touch. One friend told me of a great anecdote; when asked what they could see on their desktop, her grandfather responded “My reading glasses, a pen and a cup of coffee”. No wonder the sale of alcohol has rocketed!
Parents of older children were supposed to be feeling empty nest syndrome at this point, when these young adults headed off to university. The reality is very different. My eldest son is now staying home as he only has three face-to-face seminars all term, for which he’ll be commuting. Others are returning home due to halls becoming infected. Most parents of 20-somethings I know have either had them at home during lockdown or are now facing redundancy and therefore having to return home. We seem to be going backwards. Again parents are having to shoulder the burden of a shaky economy.
To make things worse, there is no concluding chapter or ending in sight to this conundrum. The R rate is rising again. Should the children really be at school? Should we be going to work? To the pub? Will there be another lockdown? Are we allowed to hug people? When do we wear masks? When can we see Granny and Grandpa? Are they ok on their own? More guilt, more confusion, more alcohol.
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